This that and the other

Well my results are in… Under ordinary circumstances I would be happy but knowing I could do better. In the circumstances that I have faced this semester I am thrilled.

I got one Credit and two Distinctions for the 3 subjects that I sat. I am beyond thrilled with that because I wasn’t even sure if I was going to pass one subject! I can’t believe that not only did I pass but I did it with flying colours in amongst all of the rubbish that has been coming my way.

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So I have pretty much just completely slacked off over the inter semester break. I am only just getting into starting my reading now…. yeah I think I might have left it till the last minute. There is also now some pressure to top my grades next semester. I am eager to give it a try. I mean what else am I going to do with my lonely sad single nights? Actually I can think of a few things to be doing…. but we aren’t going  to go there right now.

As for the aforementioned rubbish? Well The Man hasn’t bothered to contact the kids since he saw them last week. We are now going on 11 days with not a phone call or a text. Oh except one in reply to a song link that I sent him. You see he is one of these people who attribute meanings to songs. I am as well so I was browsing you tube and found the following video

His response was… and I quote “I watched the video”. That is it! This from a man who claims to want for us to be friends… yeah. To say I’m not impressed is an understatement. But I am quickly realising that he will say whatever he thinks is going to keep me quiet and compliant. I am over it.

But the song spoke to me and I didn’t send it for his benefit I sent it for mine. I mean everything that it says, he has changed me. Not only while we were together but during our separation and even now I can feel myself changing, it is the most bizarre feeling. I know that I have grown during our relationship and that there are changes but I don’t know yet if I have been changed for the better… I will see I guess.

But this post isn’t about him (Frustrating as he can be). I am posting because tomorrow I turn 33!! I am excited (kind of, I mean who is really excited about getting older?) but I am also aware that this is NOT where I saw myself being at 33. Hell this is not where I was headed before The Man came along and completely derailed my life! Before him I had a job, a house, a car and was already enrolled at uni. This was 7 years ago. Now all I have is a car…. That’s it. Mind you the car is completely paid off so that is a plus…

But I am excited because in this day and age 33 is still relatively young. I have allot of years (hopefully) ahead of me. Part of the reason why I am studying is to improve my life, and by extension my kids lives. I want to be able to contribute to the world. So a big part of my reason for studying is to reach my goals. Primarily I want to be a psychologist. I want to help people become whole again and to be the best that they can be. I want to know that because I have worked hard and because these people have trusted me to hear them and to hold a space for them the world will be a better place, in some small way when I leave this mortal coil.

BUT I have selfish goals too. I want to be able to buy enough property so that I don’t HAVE to work, so that I can do it just for the enjoyment of it all. I want to travel to distant lands and experience different cultures. I want to become a well rounded human being.

I am already working on some of these goals in small ways. To become more well rounded I am taking the time to focus more on my kids. I have made a pledge to myself that we are going to go out to do something fun each weekend. Now that something fun could be as simple as a trip to the local park, or to the beach. But each weekend that they are with me I want to go out. This weekend we went to the local museum.

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We walked almost all the way through (there was an exhibit that was designed for adults with some distressing images not suitable for kids so we gave that a miss). Everyone had a great time, although Mayhem fell asleep on the train on the way home, poor little guy was tuckered. out.

Last weekend we went to a travelling carnival that was here. It was AMAZING. You paid for the admission but after that pretty much everything was free. The kids had a blast.

Next weekend I have plans to meet The Man’s parents for a playdate and picnic at a local park which is going to be interesting. Mainly because I don’t know how it’s going to go. But never fear I will update you.

I am keeping up with attempting to not look so frumpy. The jeans that I am wearing are a size down from my old ones that I was wearing before the breakup and the jumper is new. I love them both but I do need to get the jeans shortened.

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Long story short I have made changes. Now I just need to continue the momentum to keep it up. But the amazing thing is that the more that I move forward the more I am pretty sure that I can. The only thing that really worries me is how uni is going to affect all of this. I have had the luxury up until now of being able to more or less relax so long as I keep up with the kids. I won’t have that luxury after next week. But I suppose like anything else in life focus is the key.

So tomorrow I am going to take a few moments and post my bucket list and my goals for the next year. Hopefully by the end of the year I will have someone here to kick my keaster if I fail to meet those goals.

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