hard day.

Wow, so after posting earlier on my birthday about my goals and aims for this coming year I didn’t actually realise how hard today was going to hit me. 

I had actually been coping pretty well with the whole situation, I thought. But today has just thrown me back into a funk. I want him to call or text but on the other hand I so desperately want him NOT to bother because I am so over feeling this way, and I just want to get it over and done with. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried, and that I have been feeling sorry for myself. Far too sorry for myself in fact. I thought I had come to terms with it all but evidently I have a bit more hard slog to get through. It’s funny how this comes in waves, I mourn for one thing and get it locked away and I will be fine for days or even weeks and then something fresh comes along and bowls me right off my feet. 

  
Everyone else has been wishing me a happy birthday and telling me to enjoy myself which is a huge joke. Instead I am sitting in my darkened room listening to break-up music and attempting to steel myself to get back up on my feet… Again. The kids have been good, but are obviously confused and don’t quite understand why Mummy is so sad, but they have all been in and out throughout the day.

I know tomorrow will be better. It will be because it has to be. There is no other choice.

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