More games of the not fun kind

I can’t remember if I wrote about the last time Tinman came for a visit with the kids? I have no idea actually. But as per usual he was his normal charming self.

Everything went fine until I found him promising Mischief that he would come and visit soon, and that he would make sure to call her regularly. At that point he hadn’t talked to the kids for 3.5 months! Not through lack of trying on my part, we called as arranged every other Thursday but he just didn’t pick up the phone, as per usual. It has gotten to the stage where every now and again Mischief will flatly refuse to come to the phone at all because “it will just be the voicemail again!”. So I sent her inside and tried to talk to him about it. I was angry and it showed. How dare he make promises he has absolutely no intention of keeping to a 5 year old?! How dare he think that raising her little expectations because it makes him feel good to make those promises in the moment is acceptable? If he had any intention of following through that would be one thing, but he just hasn’t! He has answered one call since he left. It is now 5 months and 2 phone calls in total…

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Ordinarily that would be par for the course, I mean he has been this way for about 9 months now so I’m used to it. But one of his oh so charming digs at me on his way out was that I need to get the car license transferred into my own name or he will come and take the car back. He gave me a deadline of 3 months. This was one of the things he said he would cover during our initial talks but I realised that it was unlikely a few months ago when he started getting nasty. Well it was tax time recently and I ensured that I put aside the money for the car registration as a priority and then started messaging him. 3 messages later over the span of several days and nothing but radio silence in return. So basically he has given me a task (that I have been wanting to do for ages but just didn’t have the cash for) and then when I try and fulfil it he blanks me. REAL mature. There is no doubt in my mind that he set the deadline forgetting about tax season and was trying to make me sweat but it has backfired and now he is attempting to make me sweat more… thing is I’m not sweating I’m just PISSED! It is absolutely beyond my comprehension that he feels entitled to be such an asshole. The only reason that I can think of that he is making this hard is because this is pretty much the last tie he has to make my life miserable. I mean he tried to do it by ceasing his child support, don’t get me wrong that does cause some belt tightening on a weekly basis but we are doing fine without his money. He has little to no interaction with the kids by his own choice so I don’t have to deal with him on a regular basis (which is a relief) so this is it. I am hoping the lawyer that I am going to see will be able to help me to get some clarity on what exactly he is entitled to do and what he isn’t entitled to do and what I can do to protect myself and the kids.

To be honest I am just so sick of the game playing. He’s hot then he’s cold, he wants to be friends then he verbally chews me out over literally nothing or worse still he chews me out and when I get to the bottom of it all he did it because he has argued with TOW and can’t take it out on her so I become the next target! He has attempted to blackmail me with old emails threatening to send them to friends and family (they are of a personal nature, no pictures but some pretty saucy language). He cut his child support obligations by minimising his income estimate with the Child Support agency and then just stopped paying altogether. Right now he owes almost $2k. He acts like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth and yet he just ignores his own kids. If something doesn’t go his way then he finds a reason to come and take it out on me. It’s frustrating in the extreme and so confusing.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not a perfect angel. I can and do get snarky right back at him but I can hand on heart say that I have never threatened him or attempted to blackmail him or attempted to make his life difficult. Thing is all I want out of this whole situation is for my kids to see their dad on a regular basis, for them to talk to him as much as they like (I would love for them to be able to Skype him on the regular as well) and to have a good working relationship with him. I don’t want to be friends (because he has shown his true colours and I don’t associate with people like that as a friend, how on earth would I ever trust him again?) but I would love to be able to get along for the sake of the kids, so that when we do handovers there isn’t animosity so thick in the air that you can practically carve it with a knife. It’s just the games that are exhausting. The problem is that even though I don’t want to play I get sucked in enough times that it makes it worth it for him to play. I was the one who instigated the conversation about making promises that devolved into him throwing insults and attempting to blackmail me. I can’t control his behaviour but I can control my own.

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