I am considering writing this on the bottom of a monthly update about the kids that I send to him in jail:
So I have been filling in my time during the evenings both crocheting animals for the kids (I have got several random legs, heads and arms of amigurumi animals lying around my room and my desk at the moment) and watching photography tutorials.
Moody’s Dad got his ass kicked out of his rental a couple of weeks ago, he apparently hadn’t paid his rent on time repeatedly and so no surprise they declined to renew his lease. As a result he asked if we wanted to borrow his couch. I figured win for me because I can put off buying one for the play-room, and win for him because he can get a smaller storage unit. The downside of course is that he is now renting a room in a share house. Moody is 12, sleeping on the floor of his fathers room every other weekend isn’t really a great option. So now Moody’s Dad is parking his ass in the play-room every other weekend or so to spend time with Moody. Fun times.
But all in all it’s a small sacrifice and at least he is respecting my space.
Last Friday there was a lights show in the city where we live. I took the kids out on the second last night of the show to see what it was all about and got some pretty good photos. Dad has given me his old DSLR Canon 500D which is a great beginners camera. So I figured 2 birds, one stone.
They had a pretty good time and aside from being worried the whole time that I was going to lose one of them in the crowd so did I, which is always a nice coincidence.
I am pretty sure that you don’t come here for updates on my weight :). Hell *I* don’t come here to update on my weight! But I have hit rock bottom. Or rather I have hit peak weight…. but either way I thought I had hit it before… and then evidently I realised that the bottom was made of delicious chocolate coated, deep fried deliciousness and I just kept eating…. which is kind of humiliating… kind of expected. Exercise and fitness is NOT something that comes naturally to me. I am the girl who skipped gym class by having my period every single week. Then when that stopped working I played off of having a bone deformity in my wrists (which is actually real) which unfortunately meant that anything requiring contact (hitting things) or twisting motions (throwing things) or fast movements (throwing things) or putting pressure on my wrists (pushups) was out. To be perfectly honest all of those things are true, but none of them affect my legs… or my ability to at least TRY and participate.
Since I left school I have had a very up and down relationship with my weight. After leaving Tinman for the first time I fell in love with walking the dog and we would walk for 5km every day, then I graduated to the gym, but then I took it too too far and ended up with all sorts of disordered patterns (working out for a couple of hours once or twice a day, 5 or 6 days per week while not really eating allot).
So once I got pregnant with Moody a couple of years later I just ate everything and I ballooned from about 50kg to over 80 and that is where I stayed until I decided after Mayhem was born that I needed to do SOMETHING, not necessarily fitness related but I felt like I was stagnating, like the world was passing me by. So I took up running. I set my sights on the Bridge Run, a 10km course that ran over the Sydney Harbour Bridge and I attacked it. I ran it in September of 2013 and between the training for that and breastfeeding I pretty much shed the weight like it was nothing (except slogging it around the neighbourhood for an hour at a time in the cold and the rain several times a week… you know … nothing). I ran the race in 2013 (so the year after he was born) and was so proud of myself. But then I stopped again.
I lost allot of weight after Tinman left me this time around. Which was 3 years ago. I have a MOUNTAIN of size 12 clothes in my wardrobe that I can’t wear because unfortunately the heartbreak diet has a limited effectiveness span and I ran out the clock without really thinking about doing what I needed to do to stay where I was.
So here I am again, and wondering what the hell happened. So this is kind of me coming out, acknowledging that something needs to change. Not just because I want back into those size 12 clothes but also because I want to feel good again, instead of waking up sore, and spending days hobbling around, having sore knees and hips and shoulders…. so back to Fitness Fridays it will be.
So we are now into week 3 of the Uni Semester. And I am still here! All of my TAFE work has been submitted on time which is a huge plus. I was worried that by this stage i would be rocking in a corner somewhere.
This week is orientation week at uni. The week when traditionally the unit plans and schedules are rolled out to the trembling mass of students who are either chomping at the bit to get started or curled in a ball rocking under the chair… I am somewhere in between.
This Monday I was wandering through the local shop with the kids. It was MUCH later than normal but between TAFE work and procrastination I hadn’t gotten dinner yet. I looked like hell because I had been busy all day and planning on working out since that morning so I hadn’t showered, hadn’t washed my hair, hadn’t put on makeup… I looked like hell.