Another week

We officially have a new normal. I can’t believe it has taken this long for me to feel “normal”.

Continue reading

Advertisements

End of Semester FINALLY

Wow this semester really kicked my butt!! I mean REALLY kicked my behind. I knew that Research Methods was never going to be a cake walk because HELLO statistics. But I wasn’t quite prepared for the full reality of the situation. This is the first time that I have genuinely felt completely out of my depth in this course and boy did it show!! I will be lucky to have passed if I am being perfectly honest. But I suppose the saving grace is if I fail then I can re-take the module. Continue reading

Quiet holidays

These holidays have been very quiet. We have spent most of the time at home to be honest. Mainly due to finances, which sucks. Although the Mess Makers did have the chance to go out to the zoo with the OutLaws which was a wonderful day for them and allowed me to get some of my study done.

kids at the zoo  2016 (50).JPG

The OutLaws were lovely to take them and said that they had fun as well which is wonderful, although Moody did pull a stunt at the end of the day which meant that he got a talking to not just from them but from me as well. The joys of raising children. He decided to help himself to the snacks that were left-over from the trip which wouldn’t be such a big deal but he went into the bag to get them, lied about it and then attempted to hide the evidence. Mother OutLaw was not impressed and neither was I. So we all sat him down and had a chat about it.

Meanwhile I am approximately 3 weeks behind on my study load which has me stressed to the max. Over the last 2 weeks my productivity has waned due to being exhausted. I have pretty much been up studying until 11 or 12 at night due to getting nothing done during the day as the kids have the TV going in the lounge most of the day (even when they aren’t watching but the second you turn it off they “were watching that” – apparently even through walls….) and want my attention a whole lot of the time. I love them but there have been times when I have just wanted to scream because I need to concentrate and they just want to be on top of me!! There has been no flow happening at all!


Mind you they are very sweet kids and it has been nice to get all of the extra cuddles. I am a bit sad that tomorrow will be the first day of term 2. But I am thrilled that I will be able to sit at my desk and concentrate for most of the day tomorrow! Not to mention being able to go for a run! We have the Mothers Day Classic coming up weekend after next, it is 4km and I booked in months ago thinking it would be fine, then I stopped running about a month ago!! NOT GOOD!!

The next few weeks though are going to be busy. I have a case study for existential/humanistic therapy and I am not really exactly sure about ANY of what we have learned. Then I have a research report due and OMG!! Last I have another case study due for Children and adolescent therapy… then we are in the last week of semester and then it is study week and then EXAM TIME!!! Holy hell! But it could be worse. I could have 5 or 6 assignments due.


All of that said though my planner has been evolving and changing as the semester has gone on. There are bits that I haven’t even touched, bits that I have used religiously, things that I have thrown away (washi tape and I are not friends… perhaps it was just that it was cheap and nasty tape?). But I promise to share a bit more about it once I have it a bit better sorted and a bit better set up.

It has already saved my financial bacon once by reminding me ahead of time that my car registration was due today. Which means that I managed to pay it last week and then note down when it will next be due.  Mind you managing the finances would be a bit easier with a little more money. To be honest this whole single parenting thing sucks in that respect. I can tell you right now I don’t know a single mother who is “living on easy street”. It’s a tough gig financially!

Any tips on saving some cash?
Planner pages you use to keep life in order?

I think I have hit the whining tipping point

Since The Tinman left in May of last year (9 months ago roughly) I have to admit that while I have kept a majority of my complaints off this page and off social media I haven’t been so contained when it comes to family and close friends. There have been allot of crappy things happening and I have done a whole lot of venting about those crappy things. At first it made me feel better because at least then I didn’t feel quite so crazy, it was almost like just getting the poison out helped. Then it meant that I didn’t feel as stupid, knowing that my family didn’t see allot of what was now happening coming meant that I could be forgiven for not seeing it either.

Now it just makes me ache.

I was talking to my Little Sis 1 today and the topic turned to The Tinman and his behaviour and I realised that talking about it just made me feel icky. So I have made a decision that I’m just not going to talk about it anymore. All that talking about it is doing is bringing it to the forefront of my mind again and again. It is exhausting especially as the longer this behaviour goes on the more I have been finding it stressing me out. To the point that just thinking about it makes my heart ache. Lil Sis said that I need to stop allowing each and every instance of his bad behaviour affect me so much, that I need to let it go, and I know that she didn’t understand when I told her that it’s very hard to let go when Mayhem’s only message for his father for the last 2 calls running has been “I love you Daddy” and there hasn’t been even a flicker of response. Hearing your 4 year old say that over and over to someone who just seems to not give a damn is heartbreaking. But I have to admit she is right. Every time I gear up for one of those calls I get that crushing pain in my chest (yes actual physical pain) and it becomes hard to breathe. Even just talking about (or writing about) it causes the same reaction, I sweat and find that I feel like I am underwater breathing through a straw. I need to find a way to let this go and to get over it.

So I am going to stop whining. I am going to stop bringing up his crappy behaviour. I am going to find a way to vent this poison that I can feel building up inside of me because I am done. I can’t tolerate it any more. I don’t have time to be dwelling on the mess that he is creating.