This week is orientation week at uni. The week when traditionally the unit plans and schedules are rolled out to the trembling mass of students who are either chomping at the bit to get started or curled in a ball rocking under the chair… I am somewhere in between.
Today I am struggling. Today I realised that I am not coping. I am not doing this well. My kids are suffering because they don’t have everything they need, I am not getting done what I need to get done. Dude is not getting groomed. The kitchen is not getting cleaned, the lawn is getting too long. The house is a mess…. and I am struggling. I know that I CAN do better and i know that I NEED to do better I just don’t know where I am going to pull the reserves to actually DO better from. I am exhausted constantly. I am short tempered and I am STRUGGLING. Continue reading
I belong to a forum, and a lady posted there today about feeling inadequate, about how her ex partner had told her that he loved her but that he needed her and 20 other women to be fulfilled. Which got me thinking about feeling inadequate. It’s a feeling I am very familiar with. I have felt inadequate in one way or another for most of my life. I can remember one of the girls I was friends with in primary school, she had long flowing hair that her mother had never cut (my hair was always short because my Mum hated dealing with long hair) and could play the piano beautifully (I wanted to play the piano but it wasn’t something that I had ever told my parents). I felt positively inadequate next to her. These days I feel inadequate next to one of my favourite girl-friends. She is a single Mum to 4 kids and makes it look easy (meanwhile I am over here tearing my hair out most days), decorates the most beautiful cakes, achieves spectacular marks at uni and is generally an all around badass. Next to her I feel small. Continue reading